As I sit here alone writing this I ponder what has become of my life due to shyness. Over the years I have grown to distrust people. It begins in my childhood, I am sure that is where so many therapists love to begin.
Shyness leads to loneliness. For the shy person, it is one of the most frustrating things a person can go through. There is a war waging within the shy individual. For what the shy person desires most is to be accepted into a group, but at the same time they fight it. This is due to the fear that is within them.
When the shy person is around others, he or she becomes tense and nervous. At that moment all they want to do is run away. The shy person worries about what to say, and their mind can go blank. When he or she eventually say something, they become self conscious about what they have just said (especially if there was no positive reaction). When there is not a response that shows they approved of their statement, it is a shy person’s first reaction to run away even more so than when they first joined the social circle.
Being highly sensitive is one of the feelings that can make a shy person withdraw from social situations. So the shy person will detach themselves from the world, and at times become a hermit. The loneliness that follows is painful. There is anger, frustration, and confusion.
A shy person wants to go out and meet people. He or she will think to themselves that it is the time to go out to meet and interact with people. It sounds easy in their heads, but the Ol’ procrastination bug comes crawling out. “Oh maybe I will do it tomorrow, maybe next week, OK maybe next month.”
There are too many maybes in our lives; there needs to be more “Do It Now’s!” Of course it is easy to say, but it is a lot harder to do, and take necessary action. In order to fight loneliness, one must force themselves into uncomfortable situations.
Force is the more proper word for taking action for the shy person, they are not going to want to do it. Forcing oneself is the only solution. It is not best to go to a bar alone, or go to a place where you will be the center of attention when you walk in. It will make you too nervous, and it will ignite your wallflower instinct.
It is best to go to a small meeting place; look for something of interest to you. It could be church; although you may be the center of attention for some people, because some churches like to recruit you and act nice to you. You might like the attention, and it could build up your confidence.
Just remember that you are an individual; it is your decision to stay for the fellowship or to just leave after the service. Attending this event shows you are willing to be social, if you leave early, you should feel proud of yourself that you made the effort to be in a place with many people.
If church is not your interest, another place a shy person can look is the website Meetup.com. Meetup.com has plenty of events that a shy person can join, and meet new people. When you look at the groups they don’t seem as big. It is a great place to go to find a local event, meet some people, and then go home without any obligations.
If you are real nervous about attending a meet up then you can choose a movie group, With a movie group you can meet up with the people at the theater, and you don’t have to talk much, just watch the movie, and after the movie you can talk about the film, it is an instant conversation starter for you to talk about.
For the shy person the best way to defeat loneliness is to take it slow, and find some place to meet people that you can be comfortable with. I must say that what I wrote above is some good advice. I am not saying this to toot my own horn, or to glorify myself. I am saying this as a intensely shy person. I struggle with loneliness everyday. I fight the same battle with social anxiety as described above. One thing I have learned about us shy people is we are very smart and nice; we just need to show it to others more.
What I wrote above is not only to inform or give you advice, it is also to inspire myself. And that is one thing that shy people must learn, that they have inspiration within themselves, and they need to motivate themselves to take the action necessary to fight loneliness. I know I can do it, and I know you can do it. Now we just have to believe it with all our hearts, minds and souls, and take action.